“You are not pretty enough”

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

As I get older, I find people to be beautiful because of their heart. It transforms a whole person’s image into something grander than what make up can do. And this is coming from a make up artist.

Has anyone ever told you that you are not beautiful enough? Skinny enough? Tall enough? Popular enough? Smart enough? Hard working enough? Basically, that YOU are not enough?

I’ve been on the receiving end of that conversation sooo many times. More times than I can count, more times than I would have wanted.

Harsh words given lightly should be buried deep deep underground. There are people who don’t think before they speak, OR worse, don’t care at all how they make others feel.

vQRLYnMR

Story no 1.

“You are not pretty enough.” That’s what she told me.

I am a dreamer. I love to dream. When I was a kid, every year I would sit my face right in front of the TV and watch Binibining Pilipinas (the winner gets sent to Miss Universe), and Miss Universe. I would watch the contestants sashay in their swimsuits and long gowns. I loved it. And there were nights that I would dream that someday I would have a crown. I don’t even remember how old I was when this memory happened. I was probably in elementary.

Before I continue my story, you have to understand one thing, I am a late bloomer, like an extremely late bloomer. My boobs came very late in life. I was wayy too skinny and too tall. I was always sun burned, I was a swimmer and I didn’t care what time of the day it was, all I knew was that anytime WAS swimming time. And through my dark skin, all you could see were braces clad teeth. I was the duckling, that ugly duckling.

One day it happened, she was just visiting, my eyes were glued watching BB Pilipinas. Then she uttered that 1 sentence I will never forget, “You are not pretty enough to join that.”

For what reason, only God will ever know. For an adult to shoot down a child that hard. I will never understand. I am an adult now, 32 years old, and I cannot imagine and I would never dream of saying those words to anyone, most especially a child.

Good thing though was that I was a hard headed child. Early on I realized that I liked doing the opposite of what people said. She said I couldn’t, I wanted to prove her wrong. And I did.

I never harbored hard feelings against her, I even feel that if it wasn’t for her careless mouth and own insecurities, I wouldn’t have pushed myself to aim for that dream.

Story no. 2

“You are prettier than her.” That’s what she told my sister.

So I was dark, and tall, and skinny. Not really qualities that makes a teenager stand out in a positive way.

I had 2 sisters in that point in time (3 now). My sister, Kit is very fair skinned, she has these stunning cat eyes, needless to say, she is gorgeous. My other sister, Kim, looked like a little Korean doll, adorable. And she has grown up to be a real live barbie doll. I love my sisters, I would and I did go to battles for them. We’ve fought and had our numerous amounts of hair pulling drama, but no one else was allowed to mess with them, just me 😉

I was in high school then, a common friend told my sister Kit that she was prettier than me. It didn’t bother me that she thought that. My sister IS pretty, I knew that. And she was my sister, I was proud of her, pretty or not.

Just with our skin color alone, I knew from a very young age that we shoot into different categories of beauty. And I never wished to be lighter skinned, I love my skin color. All I really prayed for were boobs. 😀

What I couldn’t understand was why was it necessary to compare. She could have complimented my sister without that attempt to put me down. It seemed unnecessary to me.

And recently, while we were at the mall, I over heard someone tell a mother that one of her daughters was prettier than the other, and the mother responded that no, the other one was prettier than the other.

Why are we so used to comparing? And why is it important that one was prettier than the other? Can’t they just be all pretty?

Story no. 3

“Be beautiful.” This was my sin.

When I was pregnant with Caitlin, my prayers would be “Lord, please give me a healthy, beautiful baby girl.” Everyday, that’s what I would beg God for (before we found out about her heart problem).

With everything that happened with Caitlin, I realized that there were more important things to pray for and want than your child being beautiful.

I cannot be a hypocrite and say that beauty doesn’t matter completely. Me, the girl who joined pageants, and modeled and loved all the attention. But, shouldn’t inner beauty matter more? How you raise a child and how you teach them to value and respect life around them is important, rather than caring and comparing which child is more beautiful.

With my 2nd pregnancy, with my Mary, my prayers had transformed into, “Lord, please give me a healthy child that will love and respect You.” 

————-

Like I said in my first sentence with this post, and which we all know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I respect that. But I believe that beauty also comes in all shapes, sizes, colors. In a field, what I may find beautiful is the green green grass, and what you may find beautiful are the flowers. It doesn’t matter, we cannot change what our eyes see, we cannot change what is attractive for us,  BUT we can change our words. Let’s be aware of the words that come out of our mouths. I don’t even know how I turned out OK after all that. Don’t hurt a person’s feelings just because you are dealing with your own shit.

March is National Woman’s month. Woman, young and old, dark or light skinned, tall or short, thin or heavy, WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. You are perfect because you are created by a perfect God. Why don’t we empower each other and motivate one another, instead of putting others down so you can feel better about yourself. Let us use the power of words to create a movement where where we all work together towards one goal – be happy versions of ourselves.

AND

Let us all thank God that my husband has very poor eyesight!

vQRLYnMR

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About Ky Malupa

Housewife. Mother of 2 angels. Gluten free, dairy free, corn free baker and eater. SLE patient. Hair and Makeup Artist. Image Enhancement Instructor.
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